Never even after Ice Cream.

Most people I know now have never seen me smoke. But I did once, in fact, for over 25 years. My dad had given me a drag when I was about 3 or 4 and like most people I got sick. It was horrible. When I was 5 a babysitter had me go into a store and say I needed a pack for my mom who was out in the car. That was a common practice when I was younger, I remember going out behind my house in the bushes and we smoked the pack. The second cigarette is never as bad as the first and I am sure I was a bit love stuck and wanted to look big. I smoked every summer after that. 

At that time everyone smoked. My Mom, Dad, Grandparents, friends, neighbors, and babysitters. Really everyone.  I guess I was about 13 when I started full time. Once again most of the time I could buy them myself or steal them from my parents. I got caught in school a few times but it never stopped me.  Funny thing about smoking, maybe with all addictions, even with no money you find a way to get it satisfied.

It was a part of me. I remember thinking I would always smoke. I didn't care what the outcome was. But one day that changed. My mother was diagnosed with cancer. She had smoked since she met my dad. Her mother had died of Lung Cancer and I had never met her. After my Dad died my Mom up her smoking to 3 packs a day. I remember going by her house in the morning and seeing her smoking with one still lit in the ash tray. We were called to the hospital as she was dying. I entered her room as they were removing the crash cart. She had signed a no heroics clause so after she went they let her. I knew CPR at the time and it may have been the hardest thing I have ever done. Letting my Mom die, knowing I had the knowledge to bring her back but knowing it was not her wish.

After she died I developed a hated of the tobacco industry. Not only had it killed my Mom and Grandmother but me and all my family were addicted and I was not going to let it continue. I started everything I could think of. gum, patches, hypnoses, acupuncture, acupressure, diet, cold turkey, pills, and nothing seemed to work. 

One day while reading through the Bible I came on a passage that said if you are involved in a sin confess it to your brothers have them lay hands on you and you will healed. So I set a meeting with my Pastor and said “Is this what this really means cause I have to quit”. He said “yes” but he didn’t want to take it to the whole church. He knew I was on the worship team and we could do it at a worship night that they held on the last Wednesday of the month.  That was in November.

Well the next worship night was the Day before Thanksgiving so it was cancelled. The next was the week between Christmas and New Years.  So that was cancelled. So at the end of January, at the end of the service, he jumps on stage and asks me if I was ready?

We had not talked about it since that day in November. 

I thought he forgot. 

I forgot. 

I instantly remembered as every cell in my body screamed NOOOOO!!!

I sheepishly said “yes”.

He asked when I wanted to quit.

I said February 1^st.

So we went and stood before the body and he announced “Art has a problem. We all know he smokes and he is having trouble quitting. He has asked that we all pray for him so God hand heal him on the 1^st of February” Then we prayed.

I was pretty stoked. I felt totally energized. I almost couldn’t sleep that night before. God was going to work a miracle. I was going to be part of it.

Then it happened. The worst thing possible. I woke up. Looked over and my pack of cigarettes was still there. I reached over and grabbed one. Lit it and smoked it.

What had happened? Where was God? I did everything I was suppose to, didn’t I? I was faithful wasn’t I? Maybe this wasn’t my problem maybe God didn’t see me? Every time I lit a cigarette that week I had a feeling like this shouldn’t be happening, but it was.

Then came a series of events that completely pissed me off.

Sunday at church a woman from the worship team asked if she could talk to me.

“Art, why did you do that last week?” She asked.“You see I have given everything up for the Lord there was just one thing I was keeping for myself, but I couldn't pray for you to quit if I was still smoking so I have had to quit also.“

“But I am still smoking I said” wishing I had told a lie.

“Well just know I am praying for you.” She said

The next week it was someone from the Drama team. “Art, why did you do what you did at worship night”? They would start.

The next week, Set up, Then Children’s group, Then Youth Group. Every week a different person. Every week a different area of the church, every week I had to admit I was still smoking. I was getting more and more upset. This went on for months. I remember asking a soundman once, “Do you think everyone at this church smokes”?

“They use to” He said.

Fast forward to August, We were having a beach BBQ and Baptism. In North San Diego when the ocean is warm you go out and time what you say between sets and have the water go over you. It’s really pretty cool. Being a smoker did have one benefit, I was always the one who had a lighter for the BBQ.

I was there for a couple hours, We Baptized a few people, Had some great food, I was able to play worship which has also been my favorite thing when Carl asked me to walk with him.

Carl was a Deacon in the church, a towering man 6’5” great heart for God but looked like he could rip your head off, also had a beautiful family. This guy, you knew, was blessed by God.

We walked for about a quarter mile as the sun was sinking below the water to our left before He spoke. “Art.” He began slowly. “I have been a Christian for over 30 years. I have been a leader, a faithful husband, and a good father. I have been doing everything I can to become a man of God.” Slowly he said “but there was one thing I kept to myself.”

Again it started

“My wife and family doesn’t know.”

No, not Carl. Was this anger rising?

“But I have to ask you a question”?

He wasn’t going to say it was he?

“Why did you do what you did last February”?

There it was. Common Art hear him out. I wanted to run and scream

“Because,” he continued, “I could not pray for you while I was still smoking so I have had to quit so I could pray for you.  I have given up the last thing I held out for God”

“But Carl,” I could barely get the words out “I’m still smoking.”

“Well just know Art, many of us at the church are praying for you.”

I do not remember the walk back, I barely remember the packing up to leave, but boy do I remember the drive home. I was Pissed. I do not know if you have ever screamed but that is where I was.

“GOD WHERE ARE YOU”?

“YOU SAID TO CONFESS, I DID.”

“I HAVE MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF.”

“I EXPECTED A MIRACLE.”

“WE NEED TO DEFINE MIRACLE CAUSE CLEARLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ONE IS.”

“WHERE WAS MY EFFIN MIRACLE”

“WHAT AM I SOME KIND OF TELFON COATED SUPER BALL WHERE PRAYERS BOUNCE 

OFF ME AND STICK TO EVERONE ELSE?”

“YOU LET ME DOWN. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FAITHFULNESS?”

On and on I went. For about 30 minutes. Cars beside me ran red lights and pulled off the road to get away from the crazy guy. Trust me I was screaming. Words here cannot describe it. As I got closer to my house I had to pull off into a parking lot where I began to cry. “God I really hate smoking, Why won’t you help me?”

After a while as I calmed down. 

I heard “Art I know you wanted me to remove cigarettes from the world, but have you seen the traffic on a Monday? Can you imagine what it would be like if I removed tobacco over night?”

Yeah, I guess that would be pretty bad. I have to admit

“And lets define miracle and faithfulness” He went on. “Do you think you were the only one asked me to quit? Do you think you are the only one hating the addiction of smoking? Do you think you are the only one that I revealed the passage about confessing to the body? No you’re not. You are JUST the only one that DID it. Because of you I was able to answer the prayers of not only the dozens that have talked to you about it but also the dozens that haven’t. Because of the faithfulness of one man I was able to heal a church. Now Art, how would YOU define miracle?”

I was finally quiet.

“One other thing Art, They did something you have never done.”

I was really afraid to ask but I did. “”What was that”?

“They STOPPED smoking.”

OH, there was that. So I have never reached for another one. I have never lit one again. I have never even had a craving. I just stopped smoking.

I remember a few weeks later. I had just finished a bowl of Ice cream and I thought ‘I remember this is when I would want a cigarette.’ No craving, just a thought. That was a long while ago. That was in 1999.